With temperatures in the UK set to remain in the mid-twenties tonight, British burglars have said that people can leave their windows open without consequence.
This surprise move should mean that those who ignored the weather forecast and therefore didn’t make it to Argos before all the fans sold out, will at least be able to let some air in while they try to sleep.
A spokesman for Housebreakers UK told us, “After consultation with our members, we have decided that it isn’t fair for folk to suffer on a night like this just because they fear for the wellbeing of their TV. After all, no matter what the Daily Mail says, are we not human beings too? Do we not feel the heat?”
Dave, a five-time re-offender, laid out the terms and conditions for the amnesty during a two-minute Periscope announcement.
“In those areas where conditions are officially described as ‘clammy’ or ‘muggy’ this evening,” he said, “you may leave as many windows open as you wish. You can rest assured that all of your property will still be there tomorrow morning.”
However, despite this apparently generous gesture, police around the country are warning the public to be wary. Chief Superintendent Murray of Aberdeen told us, “In cities like my own, there is a good chance that tonight may only be ‘a bit close’. As far as we can tell, this isn’t included in the amnesty, and your property would be fair game.
“As with all things in life, we advise that people read the small print before opening anything.”